The Stages of Mourning

Taken from this webpage: http://www.greaterswiss.com/mourning.htm

The stages of mourning are universal and are experienced by people from all walks of life. Mourning occurs in response to an individual's own terminal illness or to the death of a valued being, human or animal. There are five stages of normal grief.

In our bereavement, we spend different lengths of time working through each step and express each stage more or less intensely. The five stages do not necessarily occur in order. We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of death. Many of us are not afforded the luxury of time required to achieve this final stage of grief. The death of your pet might inspire you to evaluate your own feelings of mortality. Throughout each stage, a common thread of hope emerges. As long as there is life, there is hope. As long as there is hope, there is life.

1. Denial and Isolation: The first reaction to learning of terminal illness or death of a cherished pet is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.
2. Anger: As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at our dying or deceased pet. Rationally, we know the animal is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent it for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry. The veterinarian who diagnosed the illness and was unable to cure the disease, or who performed euthanasia of the pet, might become a convenient target. Health professionals deal with death and dying every day. That does not make them immune to the suffering of their patients or to those who grieve for them. Do not hesitate to ask your veterinarian to give you extra time or to explain just once more the details of your pet's illness. Arrange a special appointment or ask that he telephone you at the end of his day. Ask for clear answers to your questions regarding medical diagnosis and treatment. Discuss the cost of treatment. Discuss burial arrangements. Understand the options available to you. Take your time. Both you and your veterinarian will find that honest and open communication now are an invaluable long-term investment.
3. Bargaining: The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control. If only we had sought medical attention sooner. If we got a second opinion from another doctor. If we changed our pet's diet, maybe it will get well. Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.
4. Depression: Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate. We worry about the cost of treatment and burial. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words. The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our pet farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug.
5. Acceptance: Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.

Pets that are terminally ill or aging appear to go through a final period of withdrawal. This is by no means a suggestion that they are aware of their own mortality, only that physical decline may be sufficient to produce a similar response. Their behavior implies that it is natural to reach a stage at which social interaction is limited. The dignity and grace shown by our dying pets may well be their last gift to us.

Another analysis on the subject, from allsands.com:

Understand the stages of mourning. Grief and bereavement are important in mourning for the dead. Learn how to recover and live again.Victims of grief need care and consideration until they can get through the grieving process.
Immediately after the news that someone we loved has died, the reaction would be to feel shock and disbelief. This is a common experience with deaths from unnatural causes. However, even for deathbed patients, the family and close friends will also be shocked at the death. This is also called the state of emotional numbness. It is like a temporary armor which shields us from further emotions and helps us to carry on our lives, making the necessary arrangements for the funeral.

For some people who are deeply disturbed, their feelings of numbness and inability to accept the death becomes a persistant problem. They prefer to think that their loved one is sleeping and everything would return to as of old. We can overcome this stage of grief by attending the funeral or memorial service. The reality of death will sink in and help us to accept the facts. This is also a way of saying farewell to the deceased.

The next stage of grief is experiencing agitation, missing the dead and wanting to contact them. Continually thinking of the dead causes loss of concentration, stress and insomnia. It is usual to dream of the dead as the mind is preoccupied with thoughts of reuniting with the deceased.

There may be feelings of anger at the loss. Guilt is also felt as memories are replayed and people regret not having the chance of correcting something in their past with the deceased.

The next stage of bereavement is depression. There is silent and private mourning for the deceased. Reminders of the deceased spark the memories and fresh waves of mourning start. Thinking about the past and accepting that it is all over is a way of coping with grief.

Depression alleviates as the mourning lessens. We start to think about ourselves again. The show must go on. We will still feel that some part of ourselves is missing but we will carry on. This signals the last stage of bereavement. We let go of the person. We will feel better in health, energy and wellness. Our recovery becomes complete. It is no surprise that this coping with grief may endure for about one year.

Other people that are less affected by grief can help the person who is deeply affected by the death. Spend time accompanying them during their mourning. Your presence is support enough. The bereaved need to talk and cry to express their emotions.This lets off steam and helps in the recovery process. Reminders of the dead like festive occasions, anniversaries, birthdays and weddings can bring on memories and pain. It is best to arrange for friends or relatives to be around to cushion the impact of sorrow.

We can cope with grief by getting practical help for chores. This gives an excuse for social interaction with company and eases the burden of loneliness. Help is necessary until the grieving process is over.

Grieving and coping with grief are very important. Unresolved grief is harmful to your health. There may be repercussions of strange physical symptoms or depression. Seek treatment before the condition worsens. If your appetite, energy and sleep do not improve, then it is better to get a recommendation from your family physician to see a psychiatrist. We need to overcome bereavement to continue living our lives to the fullest.